yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Someone signed my nipple.
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