so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
