y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
