im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
