he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
