oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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