It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize