He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she told me i tasted like america
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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