Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
