You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
