yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
