from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
