toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
