My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize