I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
