We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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