theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
