just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
