I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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