you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
