I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
