woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
