she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
50% drunk capacity currently
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
