I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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