Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Screwed.edu
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
