Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
