Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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