Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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