Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
