For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
should my penis look like a turkey
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
