Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
