He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
