Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
