i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
