rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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