There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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