I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
