literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My feet surprised me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
