In the future we'll all be gay
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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