Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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