Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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