I want to have your abortion
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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