We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
