I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
