Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
PANTIES FOUND
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
