I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
