Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
