I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
