I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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