I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
