the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize