Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
