That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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