In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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