I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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