Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
