Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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