I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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