I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
