I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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