the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
