Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
