An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
