I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
