Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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