Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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