his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize