My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
