What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
